Chocolatecovered monstrosities
by BananaNutCrunch
Summary: There were no words in the English language that could accurately describe Nnoitora's expression at that poit. There WAS, however, an Internet option. Simply put, Nnoitora's face looked like this: - -


Lazy, full of lunch and at peace with the world, Grimmjow settled himself more comfortably on Aizen's white couch. He had to admit, the man was a fruitcake, but he did choose some pretty comfy furniture. Grimmjow sighed happily and curled up tighter, shutting his eyes and just beginning to drift off to sleep—

"Taking a cat nap?"

"**GAH!"**

Grimmjow started and toppled off of the couch. He glared at the clam-like thing poking its head over the top of the couch.

"DAMMIT, NNOITORA! Don't DO that, you freak! I don't need to wake up to the sight of your stupid spoon head popping up at me like the rising sun!"

Nnoitora just grinned. "Guess what day it is?" he all but sang.

It took a moment to Grimmjow's sleep-addled brain to process this query. "It's…Thursday?" he offered.

Nnoitora smiled wider. "Yes, it's Thursday, but what ELSE is it today?"

"…"

"…"

"…Thursday?"

Nnoitora frowned deeply. "It's not just Thursday, you nincompoop, today just HAPPENS to me MY BIRTHDAY!" he exclaimed proudly.

Grimmjow stared at him sleepily.

"But it's Thursday," he mumbled.

( There are no words in the English language that could possibly have described Nnoitora's expression at that particular moment. There _is_, however, a quite accurate way of description available in _Internet_-language. Therefore, the look on Nnoitora's face could quite accurately be summed up as this; -_______- )

"I feel quite offended," he said. "It's your superior Espada's birthday and you don't even KNOW. IT'S MY BIRTHDAY! I'VE BEEN FORGOTTEN! I'M SUFFERING AND NOBODY CARES--"

"ALRIGHT ALREADY!" Grimmjow roared, now fully awake and very, very cranky. "It's your birthday, fine, what do you want from me exactly?"

Nnoitora's smile returned instantly. "I want THIS," he shoved a catalogue in Grimmjow's face. Grimmjow peered at the piece of paper. "You want a My Little Pony set?"

"WHAT?" Nnoitora snatched the catalogue back. He tsked. "NO, you dumbass, look on the LEFT side."

"You want an X-BOX? The hell am I supposed to afford one of those?!"

"You'll get it for me!"

"Like hell!"

"You'd better!"

"Like hell!"

"Pretty please?" Nnoitora batted his eyelashes seductively.

"HELL NO! And don't EVER make that face at me again, it's friggin' creepy!"

Nnoitora's eyes narrowed. He drew closer to Grimmjow. "_You will get me that X-Box_," he hissed, "otherwise, I regret to say that the whole of Las Noches is going to _accidentally_ find your _wonderful_ collection of _Twilight novels_."

Grimmjow paled. "_You wouldn't_."

"_I would_."

Grimmjow swallowed. "_Evil bastard_," he snarled. "_FINE_! I'll get you the damned X-Box. But I ain't using my own money. I'm taking Szayel's."

Nnoitora's face relaxed back into a grin. "Fine with me, bro."

"Bastard."

Two hours, one wardrobe and a pocketful of stolen cash later, Grimmjow was ready to venture to the stupid Human world to get the stupid Quinta Espada's stupid X-Box.

He glanced around to make sure nobody was watching, and opened a Garganta. He placed a foot inside—

"Where are you going?"

Grimmjow winced. He'd know that bloody annoying clipped monotone anywhere.

"Ulquiorra."

"Grimmjow. Where are you going?"

"…human world."

"And what business have you there?"

"None of _your_ business, Quatro."

"On the contrary. If you happen to be disobeying Lord Aizen in any way, then it is very much my business."

Grimmjow snorted. "If you must know, it's Nnoitora's birthday, and I'm going to buy the bastard a present. From the Human world. Okay? Can I go know?"

Ulquiorra pursed his lips slightly. "_Birthday_? Arrancar do not have birthdays. We are_ created_, not _born_."

Grinnjow shrugged a shoulder. "Fine, it's his creationday. Whatever."

Ulquiorra wasn't satisfied. "Why is he celebrating it? We exist only to serve Lord Aizen. There is no point in celebrating our lives."

Grimmjow had to laugh at Ulquiorra's usual cheer. "Look, I dunno, okay? He just wanted a present, so I'm going to get one. Don't get all deep on me or whatever."

Ulquiorra's eyebrows furrowed. "Why does he desire a present?"

Grimmjow sighed. He was starting to lose his patience. "I dunno, for fun?! Look, can you stop interrogating me? I just wanna leave in peace!"

He turned and stepped into the Garganta once again, rearing to go.

"What is 'fun'?"

Grimmjow paused.

He turned around slowly.

"You don't know?"

"I do not. Educate me."

Grimmjow tried his best to look unruffled at the sudden strange question. "Fun is… fun is… well, you know that feeling you get when you do something you cool?"

Ulquiorra stared at him, uncomprehending.

Grimmjow tried again.

"Fun is a feeling of excitement and, and, I dunno, pleasure, I guess, when you get when you do something that you feel you like? Something you desire?"

"My only desire is to serve Lord Aizen," answered Ulquiorra promptly.

Grimmjow snorted. "Really?"

Ulquiorra stared at him.

"'spose that's a yes." Grimmjow fought the urge to laugh outright. "If that's how high your ambitions are, then I expect you'll never understand what fun is all about, Ulquiorra. Go back to your little hole and call everyone trash. Don't bother trying to understand."

Once again, Grimmjow turned to leave. He stepped foot into the Garganta and was just about to close it—

"Marshmallows."

Grimmjow froze.

He turned.

"Come again?"

"My other desire. I would like to try a 'marshmallow'. With chocolate sauce on top," said Ulquiorra. He paused. "And sprinkles. Sprinkles are good," he added as an afterthought.

Grimmjow tilted his head slightly. "I see. And what brought on this sudden urge?"

Ulquiorra sighed. "It was the Orihime. She would not desist in talking about how marshmallows were the absolute embodiment of peace and happiness, and that there was not a soul in all the three worlds that does not love marshmallows. And so, I am curious and would like to try one, if only to prove her wrong. That, I believe, would be my idea of 'fun'."

Grimmjow and Ulquiorra stared at each other for some time, neither knowing quite what to say in response to that sudden revelation. Grimmjow was horribly aware of the awkward seconds crawling past ( that is, he would have been, had the concept of seconds existed in the timeless world of Hueco Mundo).

Finally, Ulquiorra looked away. "I must leave. The Orihime must be fed," he turned and brisk-walked down the hall.

Grimmjow scratched his head uncomfortably.

"_Weird. Really fudgin' weird_."

It was another hour later. Ulquiorra was stalking down the halls of Hueco Mundo, terrorizing unfortunate lesser Arrancar and trying to figure out a way to finally get someone to start cleaning those blasted toilets, when something white was suddenly shoved into his face.

He paused.

"What," he deadpanned, "is _that_?"

"'s a marshmallow, doofus," said Grimmjow, retracting his hand slightly.

Ulquiorra regarded the soft, white, chocolate-covered monstrosities with silent apprehension. They had been skewered onto wooden sticks. Grimmjow had, held in his knuckles, a total of four sticks of skewered marshmallows. Chocolate sauce dripped slowly onto his knuckles, but he seemed unaware of this.

There were eye-meltingly bright sprinkles everywhere.

Ulquiorra shifted his gaze from the ridiculously vibrant snacks to the likewise ridiculously vibrant Sexta Espada. "Why did you bring me these?" he asked with a hint of suspicion.

"Duh, I figured if you had a little fun you might loosen up and pull that stick up outta your ass," he grinned. "Go on, try one."

Hesitantly, Ulquiorra reached out and plucked a skewer from Grimmjow's hand. He took a cautious bite out of it and stood there chewing thoughtfully.

There was a silence.

"Well?" prompted the blue-haired Espada.

Ulquiorra didn't answer. Instead, without warning, he shoved the entire skewer down his throat, chewing furiously. Then, Ulquiorra snatched from him a second skewer and proceeded to devour it viciously as though it had committed some sin against him and his family. Grimmjow watched in open-mouthed awe as Ulquiorra proceeded to demolish the other two skewers with astonishing speed and fervour.

Silence.

Ulquiorra stood there for a moment, panting slightly.

Grimmjow grinned. "Like 'em, do ya?" he teased.

Ulquiorra flicked a sprinkle off his lip viciously.

"They weren't _that_ great," he snarled and stalked off down the hall, muttering something about "stupid trashy humans and their stupid trashy cavity-inducing addictive sweets but _oh gods they taste so good I have to have more_…"

Grimmjow let out a small chuckle and shook his head. "Who would've thought," he mused. He brought a fist up to his face to inspect the little drips of chocolate on his knuckles that he hadn't seen earlier. Curious, he stuck his tongue out and gave it an experimental lick.

"Oh, hey, this stuff ain't half bad!"

_Later, as Grimmjow finally got to have his well-deserved nap, Nnoitora snuck closer to peek into his shopping bags. He couldn't WAIT to see the X-Box Grimmjow had got him._

_Seconds of frantic searching, and Nnoitora gasped._

"BASTARD FORGOT TO BUY MY X-BOX!"

I'm sorry for the crappy writing and clichéd storyline, but this is all I have for now. My second fic. (: Bleach isn't mine, otherwise it would be lame and clichéd and full of marshmallows.

Review or Nnoitora will come home with you and steal your X-Box.


End file.
